Life since 2020 has been wild! We went from zero to four kids in a matter of twenty-two months. Noah and Elliott were born in February of 2021. Isaac and Emma were born in December of 2022. We get a lot of questions about what life is like and what our household looks like on what seems like a daily basis. To us, this is just our normal. We don't know what a singleton pregnancy is like. We have not experienced life with one baby. We have always done things in pairs. After talking with singleton parents, I am quickly learning that our reality is far from normal for other parents. I want to discuss and address some common questions to help you get a glimpse of what life looks like with two sets of twins.
How did you react when you found out you were having twins for the second time?
Since we had been shocked with the news of twins once before, I had mentally prepared myself that twins would be a possibility again. I was still extremely surprised. I convinced myself that the odds strongly favored that I would have a singleton pregnancy. After the initial surprise, my brain was trying to figure out the logistics of how we would manage and support two sets of twins. Yes, I was overjoyed, but I had no idea how we were going to make it work. I never imagined having one set of twins let alone two. Would we put four kids in daycare or would I quit my job and stay at home? Could I handle another twin pregnancy? How would we financially make this work? What vehicle will I need to buy for four carseats? How will I manage two newborns and two toddlers at one time? Will I be able to provide the love and time that each kid deserves? Taking time to talk and process all of these things with my husband and family was a huge help for me. We planned for each logistical hurdle one at a time which helped me to feel ready to welcome two more babies into our family by the end of my pregnancy.
What are some of the biggest challenges you face with two sets of twins under 4 years old?
It is pretty common for me to be holding a baby while playing with a toddler or getting them a snack. Someone always needs something from me whether that be love, attention or a cup of milk. However, I struggle the most when multiple kids need multiple things from me at the same time. I wish I could clone myself or have another set of arms to meet everyone's needs. This happens the most around meal times. This is the most chaotic time during the day. There are usually six individuals hovering around our kitchen island while trying to get meals ready. My husband and I have a system but it is definitely not perfected yet. He is usually the one doing most of the cooking. I try to get plates out, cut up fruit, open up packs of sting cheese, etc. Cheerios have become my secret weapon. If dinner isn't ready but the babies are hangry (usually Emma), I put them in their highchair with a handful of cheerios and they are happy little campers. This helps free up my arms so that I can get food to each kid quicker.
How do you manage the day-to-day routines with four young children?
My husband and I rely on having a consistent schedule. On the weekend, our day revolves around the sacred nap time. If one kid loses their nap time, no big deal. If four children miss their nap, all hell breaks loose. This is why we protect nap time at all costs. Our kids usually nap somewhere between 12:00 and 3:00. We will go to places like the library, grocery story or Grandma and Grandpa's during the day but we make sure we are home for nap time. We have found that having a predictable routine does somehow make it easier for our children when we do step out of our normal day to day schedule. Meal times are usually at a consistent time as well. We try to follow their schedule at daycare as much as possible to provide predictability and consistency. We have also fallen into patterns in regards to who does what around the house. I usually manage the laundry and toy pick up while Josh cleans the kitchen and takes out the trash. This doesn't mean that I don't clean the kitchen or Josh doesn't do laundry, we have just fallen into our predictable roles and routines that helps us maintain our home on a daily basis. Predictability in all aspects is key for us when managing day-to-day routines.
What are some strategies you use to ensure each child gets individual attention and feels valued?
I have had to reconstruct what individual attention and time looks like with four babies. In my brain, I had envisioned that I would be able to create these magical moments of taking each kid on a regular basis out to eat or on a fun excursion one on one. Not to say that we can't do this, but it is not something we can do consistently. Quality time can look like ten minutes playing with one child without distractions. Unfortunately, this can also be difficult but carving time within our individual structures has been helpful. Elliott loves to help me switch the laundry around. As mundane as it sounds, it is something we have bonded over together. We often have the most meaningful conversations as I'm putting clothes away in their room. I try to create moments within our daily lives when each child feels my love and undivided attention.
How has having two sets of twins affected your relationship with your partner?
Whew! Where do I even start with this question? Everything, it has impacted everything in our relationship. We have grown so much as a couple and as parents. We have seen each other in our best and worst moments. We have had to figure out how to be in the hospital with a two week old for three nights while still taking care of two toddlers and another newborn at home. We have both been very sleep deprived while trying to figure out how to take care of four kids under two. We have learned the importance of open communication. If we aren't seeing eye to eye on something, we sometimes need to remind each other that we are on the same team with the goal of doing what's best for our kids. We might have different approaches to how we do that but we ultimately want the same thing. It has been amazing to watch Josh become a father. He has embraced and enjoyed fatherhood to the fullest extent. Due to having two babies at once, he has always been extremely hands on since day one. He had never really been around babies prior to us having our boys. He had to ask the nurses in the hospital how to hold a baby. Since then, he has been fully immersed. He was the first one to change our babies due to me recovering from a c-section. He got up to feed a baby multiple times with me in the middle of the night and has changed mountains of poopy diapers. He is continuously thinking about and putting his family first. He thrives in his "Fatherhood Era" and it has been the most incredible thing to witness. Walking through the gift and challenge of having two sets of twins has led me to love and appreciate him more than I ever thought possible.
What advice do you have for other parents of multiples?
Parenting twins is a true trial by fire. Give yourself grace, communicate with your partner and work together. Having multiples can feel extremely isolating and make you feel hard to relate to. Surround yourself with a supportive tribe that you can rely on. For me that has been my parents and fellow parents of multiples. Last year we connected with a family with toddler triplets that live in our neighborhood. We are figuring out how to parent multiples at the same time and have been each other's sounding board. It has been incredible having someone who truly understands my day to day reality. Your tribe can also be an online community. Finding different Facebook groups and people on Instagram with twins has given me an outlet to see that I am not the only one experiencing the things we are experiencing. Building this type of community makes me feel less like an anomaly.
How do you prioritize self-care and time for yourself amidst the demands of raising four children?
This has looked different for me at different phases of parenthood. When I was home on maternity leave, self care looked like putting on a face mask with some eye patches while feeding two babies. It was having my husband watch the kids when he get got home from work so I could take a hot shower and be in a room by myself for a few minutes. My husband is an extroverted person and recharges by connecting with friends. This is something we have been trying to better prioritize. In this phase of parenthood, one of us is able to watch the kids and put them to bed on our own. At least once a month, we try to prioritize time for each of us to get out of the house and meet up with friends. It is so easy to get consumed by motherhood that you forget who you are outside of your family. Reaching out and connecting with friends has been a great reminder of who I am outside of being Mommy.
Have you noticed any unique bonds or connections between the siblings, especially between the two sets of twins?
The older boys have always been close. It has been so fun to watch the bond between them grown and evolve. Their personalities are polar opposite but compliment each other so perfectly. Even their beds are pushed together and they sleep side by side. My favorite sound is hearing the belly laughing on the monitor when they are supposed to be sleeping. When we brought Emma and Isaac home from the hospital, they were immediately obsessed. They love "their" babies deeply. They never showed any jealously or resentment towards them. Noah and Elliott love to play with the littles. They love to sit with them, hug them and kiss them good night. The only time they get frustrated with the babies is when they take a toy they are playing with. Emma and Isaac noticed and interacted with each other much earlier than the boys every did. They were constantly crawling and grabbing at each other. I cannot wait to see how the dynamic between and amongst each set of twins grows.
How do you handle the logistics of transportation and outings with two sets of twins?
It does take a little bit of planning when transporting a crew that requires four car seats. I drive a Kia Carnival (fitting name for our family circus) and can take all four kids at once. Josh drives a Chevy four door truck. His truck has car seats for the older boys.
I drop off and pick up the babies at day care on a day to day basis and Josh does the same with the boys. When we go somewhere as a whole family, we obviously take the the mini-van. It gets a little tricky if Josh needs to pick up the babies or all four kids from daycare. This is usually on days when I know I have to work late. We swap vehicles in the morning. I then take the older boys to daycare and Josh takes the babies. Where we have had issues is if one of the babies gets sick at daycare and I cannot leave work. This has only happened once. My mom has car seats for the babies in her vehicle and was able to do pick up and Josh met her at home. When I say it takes a village, I really mean it!
How do you maintain a sense of balance and harmony in your household?
Well....we don't. Balance does not really exist for us. Harmony is when all children are playing nicely with each other and no one is crying or demanding a snack. All jokes aside, I've learned that everything in life is a phase. The sleepless newborn phase comes and goes. The potty training two stubborn toddlers phase we are currently in will pass as well. With each phase comes something different that throws the balance out of wack and. causes us to realign again. As someone who loves structures and routines, I am learning to appreciate each phase and embrace our unbalanced life. I know the empty nester phase will come sooner than we hope.
Have you noticed any similarities or differences in the personalities of the two sets of twins?
When I was pregnant with our oldest boys, I had the preconceived notion that they would have similar personalities due to them being twins. That could not be farther from the truth. Each child is so uniquely different. It has been interesting to see how differently they develop when their life experiences are essentially the same. Noah and Elliott have very different and unique personalities. Elliott is in tune and hyper aware of everyone's emotions. His goal is to try to make everyone around him as happy as possible. This gift also comes with stronger emotions and sometimes bigger meltdowns. I work really hard with Elliott on ways to process and work through strong emotions.
Noah is very methodical and inquisitive. He absorbs new information like a sponge and genuinely loves to learn. He loves to create scenarios with his toys and pretend. At times, this has led to him focusing so much on something that he loses the sense of the world around him.
Emma looks like Noah but feels emotions like Elliott. This girl loves love and never turns down cuddles. She showers her brothers with hugs and follows them around the house. She absolutely adores them. She is very aware of her environment and what adults are in the room. She has a preferred adult in whatever situation she is in. I believe this is due to wanting to ensure she feels safe in any environment.
The Lord knew what he was doing when he gave us Isaac. This child is laid back, easy-going, and happy almost all the time. When he does cry, it is usually because he got hurt or someone took his toy. He is almost always smiling and we are starting to see his sense of humor emerge. Isaac has become the daycare center mascot, walking from room to room smiling and saying hi to all the adults. This child is literal sunshine.
How do you manage childcare and schooling arrangements for four young children?
Josh and I both work outside of the home. Josh is in industrial sales and I work in education. We had conversations around what would be best for our family and determined that it made the most sense for both of us to continue to work. We currently have our children enrolled in a daycare we absolutely adore. We were at a previous daycare with the boys and did not love it. We were not happy with the supervision and lack of structure. We knew several people who had their children at the center we are currently at and they raved about it. I got our name on the wait list and may or may not have contacted the director regularly. Our kids have grown and developed so much since being at this daycare. They are all so loved by the adults there. I cannot speak highly enough about our experience having our children in daycare.
Working in education, I am lucky to have longer breaks and about six weeks off during the summer. This decreases our daycare costs and allows me more time with my kids. The time in the summer has been such a gift for me and my babies.
What are your favorite activities or traditions to do as a family?
We love anything where we are all together. Our favorite activities involve sunshine and water. Our children love any summer activity. Nothing beats playing barefoot in the backyard before bed time or visiting a new park. The older boys love riding their scooters around the neighborhood while I push the babies in the stroller. We also love afternoons out at my family's farm. Nothing beats combine rides with Grandpa, being pushed on the swing by Grandma and playing with cousins. This summer they are finally old enough to sign up for swimming lessons, soccer camp and blast ball. They thrive when they are active and we cannot wait to get them into organized activities.
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