To understand our path to twin parenthood, you need to first understand our journey through infertility. This is something I have been pretty guarded and reluctant to share about in the past. Struggling with infertility made me feel less than and ashamed. I did not want people to know our struggles in fear that it would lead to judgement. I did not actively seek to find women who had been through experiences like my own. Looking back, I should have. I needed to build a community around me with those who understand the path I was walking on and could support me through it. A stigma has been created around women's health and infertility. I felt that I needed to struggle in silence and keep my experiences private. Infertility can be an isolating journey and one I now know I need to share in hopes that this will help another woman walking through the same struggles.
My story around infertility starts way back when I was in college. During my sophomore year, I had experienced some health issues. After many doctor appointments, blood work, and ultrasounds I learned that I was extremely anemic at the time and had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is when your ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens. This leads to cysts developing on the ovaries as well as hormonal irregularities. For me, this significantly impacted the regularity of my cycle. I rarely ovulated or got my period naturally. When I was diagnosed, no one explained to me what a PCOS diagnosis meant and the implications it would have on my health. I was simply told I needed to be on birth control to regulate it. When I asked if PCOS could possibly impact my ability to conceive later down the road, I was told that we would worry about that when I was ready to start family planning.
Fast forward eight years. My husband and I were married in December of 2018 and wanted to start a family soon after being married. My PCOS was still very prevalent. Due to this, we needed support conceiving with medication. This process included a lot of doctors visits, blood work and logistics. There are a lot of protocols that go into this process. I needed to take progesterone to induce a period followed by taking another drug on specific days of my cycle to promote ovulation. This was followed by a blood draw on day twenty one of my cycle. This would indicate if the medication worked and I ovulated. If the cycle was unsuccessful, the process would start all over again.
There is also an emotional aspect during this processes that I was not ready for. The ups and downs became overwhelming and all consuming. The medications had some intense side effects which included mood swings and irritability. I began living life in month to month increments. My brain would begin to spiral and think about all the what ifs. Is this the month we would get pregnant? Will I have to go through the process of medications, doctor visits, blood work and mood swings again? What if this process doesn't work? Will I have to do something more invasive like IUI or IVF? Does my insurance even cover IVF? Could we afford it if it didn't? Would I ever be able to have children? It became all consuming. I didn't feel I could talking about it with anyone outside of my husband and mother. I felt scared, isolated and insecure.
We had begun the infertility process in the fall of 2019. My doctor originally put me on Clomid. After three months and increased dosages, my blood worked indicated that my progesterone levels were so low that there was no way I had ovulated. My doctor had then switched me to Letrozole. This was followed by two more unsuccessful rounds. By this time, it was March 2020 and the world was closing down due to the pandemic. Our clinic stopped all infertility treatments. While it was upsetting at the time, it ended up being a God-send. I was able to give my mind and body a pause. Even though we were in the midst of a pandemic, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time. I was able to process how emotionally taxing the process truly was. While I still desperately long for a child, this break helped me to feel like myself again.
In May, I met virtually with my OB to make a plan for starting infertility treatment again. Due to having no success with Clomid or Letrozole, she put in a referral with the fertility speciality and we discussed the possibility of IUI. We could not get an appointment with the fertility specialist until August. In the meantime, my OB and I decided to do one more round of Letrozole on the strongest dosage. During this round, my twenty one day blood work indicated extremely high levels of progesterone. We did not know we were pregnant at the time, but it gave me hope that my body was responding the way it was supposed to. Soon after that we found out we were pregnant. We now know that the progesterone levels were so high due releasing two eggs and being pregnant with twins.
My infertility journey lasted less than a year. I never needed to meet with the fertility specialist to discuss IUI or IVF. I am blessed beyond words that this journey led us to two sets of healthy twins. I know there are women who's battles with infertility last much longer than mine, are much more invasive and cause them to make decisions they never thought they would have to make. Not every woman's journey ends with the children they so desperately desire. This path to parenthood shifted my perspective on what is truly important. I will never take my sweet babies for granted. My life is chaotic, my house is messy and my kids are loud. When I become overwhelmed by the chaos, I remind myself that I am living a life that at one point I thought I would never have.
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