Bringing home newborn twins is incredibly rewarding and overwhelming. It comes with a unique set of challenges that singleton parents don't experience. As a parent of twins, you are faced with double the joy, double the love, and double the care. If you were like me and having twins as your first children, you are also navigating parenthood for the first time. In the whirlwind of feedings, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. A support system and assistance can make all the difference. In this post, I'll delve into the essential help and support you truly need when coming home from the hospital with newborn twins. From practical assistance to emotional support, I'll explore the ways in which family, friends, and community can rally around you during this special yet demanding time.
Personal Experience
My husband and I were becoming first time parents to twins. I felt like I had read all the books to prepare me for newborn twins but still had no idea what I was doing. While still in the hospital, I remember both my husband in shock about the fact that you had to feed babies every three hours for an entire year. It became a quick realization that we had a steep learning curve ahead of us. I was also aware that I would be recovering from a c-section and did not know what I would or would not be able to do. It was obvious to us that we would need some some of assistance.
I am very fortunate that my parents live about twenty minutes away from our home. Prior to delivery, I had asked my mom if she would stay with us for a little bit to help us get our bearings. She stayed for about three nights until we felt like we had a handle on our routine. After that, I knew that she was only a phone call and quick drive a way. She would come on a regular basis to help with my recovery, carrying babies and tasks around the house. She is a master at finding things that need to be done and simply doing them. I never had to ask if she could do something, she just did it. The woman helped feed my babies, did my laundry, cleaned my bathrooms, and picked up the kitchen. While we were in the hospital she deep cleaned our entire house prior to us coming home. She was a huge support in helping us transition into twin parenthood.
For our second set of twins, my parents watched our older boys while we were in the hospital. While we knew what we were doing the second time around, life with newborns and toddlers proved to be a whole new bucket of crazy. I also came down with the flu the day after delivery which made our transition home a little trickier. My mom stayed with us again to help manage the chaos as I healed from another c-section and recovered from the flu.
Two weeks after Isaac and Emma were born, Isaac developed a stomach bug that resulted in blood in his stool. This occurred in the middle of the night in the midst of a major snowstorm. At two in my morning, my parents hopped in my dad's truck and drove to our house. My mom stayed at our house with the boys and Emma while my dad drove us to the emergency room with Isaac. For the next three days while we were in the hospital, my parents stayed at our house with our other three babies. We finally came home on Christmas Eve. They completely shifted their Christmas Eve traditions in order to be present with our family. We all got Chinese takeout, watched Christmas movies and snuggled our babies.
For both pregnancies, we had family and friends prepare frozen meals for us. Our neighbors coordinated a meal train for us and delivered food to our house over the course of two weeks. We also created some of our own freezer meals as well. This is something we were so happy that we did and is something I recommend to any expecting mom. We froze chili, chicken pot pies, lasagna, and breakfast burritos. My sister-in-law made us individual serving bags of taco meat. This was extremely helpful while I was on maternity leave and needed a quick lunch option.
While I felt extremely supported by my parents and friends, having twins still felt like an extremely isolating experience. I felt my entire universe had shifted and paused while the rest of the world continued living life like normal. Nothing about my life, body or routine felt normal. While many came in to visit and hold the babies, I felt as if no one truly understood what was going on in my world.
Practical Tips for New Twin Parents
Change your language from "visitors" to "helpers" The phrase "sleep when the baby sleeps" was not said with twin parents in mind. I was so flustered when anyone would give me this advice because I also had to wash bottles, do laundry and shower when the babies slept, and that's if they happened to fall asleep at the same time. How on Earth was I supposed to sleep when the babies slept? If friends and family are coming over to see the babies, don't be afraid to put them to work. Reframe your thinking in that they are not "visiting," they are "helping." You can even state this to anyone stopping by to see the babies. The last thing you need is to feel like you need to host company while taking care of twin newborns. You've got enough on your plate. Ask them to switch your laundry, clean your kitchen, or watch the babies so you can sleep. Do not be afraid to tell them what you need.
Make freezer meals prior to your babies arriving With so much going on, the last thing you need to do is think about what's for dinner. We made freezer meals prior to both sets of twins and it made a huge difference. Friends and family also brought us meals after the babies arrived. Freeze some of your favorite recipes if you are able. It is so nice to have your go to comfort food handy during the newborn stage. Grab and go food like breakfast burritos are also great to have on hand. My husband froze over fifty breakfast burritos prior to our second set of twins arriving. I laughed and poked fun thinking he went overboard. I quickly ate my words, along with the burritos. They were gone in less than a month.
Create a structure I am a girl who thrives in structure. I love routines and predicability. I am the opposite of spontaneous. It was challenging for me when I had two newborns who had no sense of routine or able to tell the different between day or night. With my need for routine and my husband's system oriented engineering brain, we quickly figured out a flow for our days. We would fall into our roles and were able to create predicability with each other when everything else felt out of wack. He would always wash bottles and pump parts. He coordinated our meals. He also got up in the middle of the night with me to help feed babies. I could consistently rely on him to do these things so that my focus could be on our babies. Don't think that we did have challenges within this. It took us a while to figure out how we needed to communicate our needs with each during this phase. We also struggled when our structures got out of wack and something didn't follow the predictable routine the other was expecting. The newborn phase will definitely make you and your partner better communicators.
Take advantage of delivery services Prior to becoming parents, I rarely used any type of delivery service. It wasn't worth the additional cost to me. We live within miles to a variety of grocery stores and restaurants. Developing a routine with wake windows and feedings can feel like a full time job. I did not want to disrupt our newly establish system to run to the store. This is where I tapped into delivery services. I used Walmart delivery several times when we were getting low on diapers, wipes or butt cream. Since it is a flat delivery charge, I would add other additional items if needed. Maternity leave and the newborn phase is a time when I prioritized convenience and tried to account for it in our budget.
Emotional Support for New Twin Parents
Build Your Village The newly postpartum phase is a very vulnerable and personal experience. Everything in your life feels knew and unknown. Surrounding yourself with love and positivity is crucial. Have people that you can connect with whether that is family, friends or other twin parents on social media. Instagram is a great place to connect with people who have walked through the twin newborn phase. Outside of my husband, my person was and is my mom. I knew I could call her day or night with worries or concerns, and I definitely did. I still do. I knew that if I was struggling and overwhelmed, I had people I could reach out to. Just knowing they were there if I needed them was the most reassuring.
Fresh Air and Movement I happened to have both sets of twins in the dead of winter. If you have experienced Iowa winters, you know they are extremely unpredictable. One week it's a sunny forty degrees and the next it's a blizzard with negative twenty degree wind chill. If having newborn twins wasn't tricky enough, we delivered during the coldest week the winter of 2021. When we came home from the hospital, we discovered that our furnace broke. I anxiously watched the weather for warmer weather and an opportunity to get myself outside Luckily as things warmed up during my maternity leave, I was able to get fresh air more frequently. With our oldest boys, I was nervous to pack up my babies and go anywhere myself. Putting the babies in the stroller and going for walks was a great first step to helping me feel comfortable leaving the house. The fresh air and movement was also therapeutic. I would pop in my headphones, listen to a trashy pop culture podcast and soak up the sun. It was a way to prioritize myself while still being with my babies. Fresh air is magic for babies. If our babies were fussy during witching hour my husband would walk them around the perimeter of our yard and catch up with out neighbors. If nothing is working, take them outside!
Make the Mundane Magical Self care and taking care of yourself can be hard to prioritize when taking care of two newborns. I tried to identify every day experiences and turn them into moments of self care. I would use essential oil shower steamers to level up my shower experience and upgraded my skin care products. I would wear under eye patches during a feeding. I found myself starting to look forward to these otherwise mundane moments. I would even throw the babies in the car and to the drive thru for a the Starbucks latte or Chick-Fil-A fountain Diet Coke. Nothing turns your day around like a perfect fountain Coke from Chick-Fil-A. I developed a love for long drive-thru lines. My babies were happy campers in their car seats while I sat in beautiful silence or listened to a podcast. If babies stayed happy, I'd go for a random drive around town. Identify times in your day that you can infuse some mini-moments of self care. The accumulation of these moments will brighten your sleep deprived soul.
Professional Support for New Twin Parents
If you live far away from your support system and are financially able to hire support, there are many options available to fit your needs. You can work with each professional so that their support is tailored specifically to you and your family.
Nanny A nanny typically works in the family's home, providing personalized care for children. Nannies may have a set schedule and are responsible for various aspects of childcare, including feeding, bathing, and engaging children in educational and recreational activities. This is a great alternative option to daycare. Nannies can often be more flexible with their hours and support compared to a traditional daycare center. There are resources and companies out there that can support in matching you with a nanny that will fit your needs.
Postpartum Doula Most people think doulas are specific to the birthing process. Postpartum doulas provide the same level of support but are focused on life after birth. A postpartum doula provides physical, emotional, and informational support to families during the postpartum period. They assist with newborn care, offer breastfeeding support, provide guidance on infant soothing techniques, and help with light household tasks. Postpartum doulas can also help support you in determining your routines and structures as a new twin parent.
Au Pair An au pair is a young adult from another country who lives with a host family and provides childcare in exchange for room, board, and a cultural exchange experience. Au pairs typically work limited hours and are considered part of the family during their stay. Our friends have triplets the same age as our oldest set of twins. The are both originally from out of state and neither set of grandparents live nearby. They hired an au pair after delivery to help with childcare needs. It was a way for them to build their village when they didn't have family nearby.
Night Nurse A night nurse, also known as a newborn care specialist, provides overnight care for newborns, allowing parents to get much-needed rest. They assist with feedings, diaper changes, and soothing techniques, helping newborns establish healthy sleep patterns. Usually the night nurse
Lactation Consultant A lactation consultant is a healthcare professional who specializes in breastfeeding support. They provide education, guidance, and assistance to mothers experiencing breastfeeding challenges, such as latching difficulties or low milk supply.
Postpartum Therapist A postpartum therapist is a mental health professional who specializes in supporting individuals experiencing emotional challenges during the postpartum period. They provide counseling and therapy to address issues such as postpartum depression, anxiety, and adjustment difficulties.
I understand how draining and overwhelming twin newborn phase can physically, mentally, and emotionally be. You may feel like the world has stopped spinning and you are living the movie "Groundhog Day." Remember that this phase is fleeting and it too shall pass. Take moments to pause, reflect and smell your babies. That newborn smell is better than any scent in the world! Build your village and rely on them regardless if they are friends, family or professional help. Carve out moments for yourself and get outside. You've got this and you are made to be a twin mama!
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