Twins, double the joy, double the love, and sometimes, double the confusion! As a parent of twins, you're familiar with the magical bond they share. But what about their individuality? How do you nurture their unique personalities and interests while celebrating their twin connections? This is something I am continuously thinking about and grappling with.
Our oldest set of twins have had an extremely strong bond since birth. They were holding hands within seconds after being born. When one is sad, the other consoles. When one is scared, the other reassures. When one does something new, the other is cheering them on. They stay up way past their bedtime singing songs and giggling together in their room. When they were born I had the assumption that since they were twins, their personalities would be alike. However, as they get older, it is easy to see how each one is becoming more and more unique. I have had a lot of trial and error trying to figure out ways to build their connectedness while trying to develop their individuality.
Noah is our gentle giant. I mean this kid is huge! He is off the growth charts for height and weight. He has always been a methodical and analytical thinker. He has a memory like a trap and loves to learn about all things animal related. He will meticulously set up scenarios with toys like farms or carnivals.
Elliott is our empath. He feels everyone's emotions to a high degree. When I told him I had a headache, he had to kiss and rub my head to make sure it was better. When Noah was scared to go through the car wash, Elliott held his hand and told him over and over that it was ok. He is a very visual learner and can complete a giant floor puzzle in record time. These boys were born at the same time, have gone through every moment of their first three years of their life together, but could not be more different.
I am quickly learning how each one needs something different from me. I am learning ways to adjust my parenting style to best meet their needs. This is something that I am continually learning to navigate through trial and error. I am quickly learning that what works for one does not work for the other. When Noah is upset, my response has become very different compared to when Elliott is upset. They want me to play and interact with them differently and need affection in different ways and at different times.
As the boys are getting older, I am learning that they need more individual time with each parent. They rarely have the opportunity when they are alone with us and have our individual attention. I am working on prioritizing my time in a way that allows me one on one time with each boy. I am learning that this doesn't need to be a big event where I'm taking them out to eat or to the park. Sometimes this isn't feasible for us with four kids under four. Noah loves to read books and learn about different types of animals and Elliott always wants to help me fold and put away laundry. It's about how I am prioritizing the moments of time within our day to ensure I have individual time with each one to read a new book or talk while folding clothes. I have also found that Elliott needs individual time more frequently than Noah. With him feeling emotions so strongly, he often needs to check ins and coaching around how to manage strong feelings. This is something we talk about on a regular basis.
I don't want them to ever feel that because they are twins, that they have to be the same. I want to lean into their individual interest and passions to help them develop confidence in who they are outside of being a twin. They will grow up in a world where they will constantly be viewed as a package deal. I want them to feel comfortable stepping out on their own knowing that their brother will always be there, supporting them.
In the end, raising twins is a balancing act of nurturing their bond while fostering their individuality. As parents, we play a crucial role in helping them navigate this journey. It's a journey of discovery, where we learn as much from them as they learn from us.
As Noah and Elliott continue to grow, I am reminded that while they may have started their lives as a pair, they are destined to become individuals with their own dreams, passions, and identities. My hope is that by embracing their differences and celebrating their unique qualities, they will always feel confident in who they are, both as individuals and as twins.
So, here's to Noah and Elliott, two extraordinary individuals who happen to be twins. May they always know that their bond is unbreakable, their potential limitless, and their hearts forever intertwined.
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