Bringing up children is both joyful and chaotic. Now, imagine having not just one set of twins but two! Each set is twenty-two months apart. This means that at one point, we had four kids under two. Navigating the beautiful chaos of parenting two sets of twins brought challenges, especially around bedtime.
In this post, I'll share our journey to achieving bedtime harmony with our two sets of twins with some practical tips that may work for your family as well. You’ll see how we turned double the trouble into double the Zzz's.
Nevertheless, I want to clarify that just because these methods were effective for us, it doesn't mean they are the sole approach to achieving good sleep habits and bedtime peace. I am merely recounting what worked well in our home after numerous attempts. Baby and toddler sleep is a widely discussed subject among parents, with diverse opinions and viewpoints. Ultimately, you should follow what you believe is best for you and your children.
The Unique Challenge of Two Sets of Twins
As first-time parents of twins, we were quickly humbled by the challenges of sleep deprivation. With two babies, we found ourselves awake in the middle of the night, unable to take shifts or support each other. Both of us were exhausted, nearing our breaking point. Realizing the need for a change for the well-being of our babies and our marriage, we embarked on a journey to establish healthy sleep habits for our infants and toddlers.
We explored various sleep training methods and gained valuable insights along the way. Today, with two three-year-old boys and one-year-old boy/girl twins, our children consistently sleep through the night in their own beds and cribs. They eagerly anticipate bedtime routines, which makes me believe that either we were blessed with great sleepers or we managed to implement effective strategies for infant and toddler sleep.
In the following sections, I will outline the practices we have consistently followed or implemented in the past concerning bedtime and promoting healthy sleep habits for infants and toddlers.
Setting a Bedtime Routine
One of the first steps in our journey was establishing a consistent bedtime routine. I found my children, and myself thrive on routine; it gives all of us security and predictability. Here’s what we implemented:
Same Time Every Night: We set a fixed bedtime for all kids, allowing earlier bedtimes for younger twins. This consistency helped everyone adjust to a unified sleep schedule.
Wind-Down Activities: We created calming pre-bedtime rituals like warm baths, storytime, and snuggles with mom and dad. Bedtime has now become the highlight of my day with my three-year-olds. It is a time when we discuss the day's joys and challenges and what they are looking forward to the next day. These activities signaled that bedtime was approaching and made our twins feel safe and relaxed.
Unified Approach: Collaborating as parents was crucial. Both of us were on the same page regarding the bedtime routine, establishing consistency that let the kids know what to expect. This keeps the toddler answer shopping to a minimum as they know Mom and Dad are on the same team.
By making bedtime structured, our twins embraced the routine, contributing to their overall calmness at night.
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Managing two sets of twins is no small task, especially during bedtime. Success depended on teamwork—between us as parents and among the twins themselves.
Co-Parenting Responsibilities: We divided bedtime tasks based on our strengths. One parent read stories while the other was in charge of brushing teeth. This approach reduced chaos and facilitated smoother transitions.
Fostering Sibling Bonds: Encouraging the twins to bond during bedtime became important. We made reading stories a shared activity. Both sets have also always had their beds/cribs right next to each other. They now look forward to having quiet time together and feed comfort knowing their twin is near.
Promoting Independence: As they grew, we taught our twins how to settle themselves. From a few months old, we would create a structure so that they could practice putting themselves to sleep. This independence built their confidence and fostered autonomy.
Recognizing that we were all in this journey together turned bedtime into a shared experience, often leading to quieter evenings.
Sleep Training: To cry or not let them cry? That is the question?
For some families, sleep training can be daunting. We approached it in a variety of ways, based upon our understanding as parents and getting to know each individual baby.
Use a Variety of Methods: We have used cry it out and gentle sleep training methods. As we grow as parents and understand each individual child, we develop more strategies and adjust to their needs. When our babies were infants, we began to focus on wake and feeding windows during the day to encourage consolidated sleep at night. We would also try to put the babies in their crib or bassinet slightly awake so they would get used to putting themselves to sleep on their own.
Importance of Patience: We discovered the value of patience and adaptability. While some nights were easier than others, we acknowledged small wins and showed ourselves compassion during challenging times. It often seemed like a process of trial and error, without a quick fix. Reflecting on the money invested in search of the ideal sleep sacks for our babies, hoping they would resolve all our sleep issues, we realized that understanding and accommodating our babies' individual needs and personalities is what truly matters.
Discovering a sleep training approach that worked well for our family was key in establishing a consistent bedtime routine and minimizing nighttime disruptions. Have a conversation with your partner to determine what methods suit both of you best and capitalize on each parent's strengths. Given the likelihood of both partners being sleep-deprived with twins, it is important to outline plans and responsibilities in advance to reduce potential frustrations during the night.
Managing Night Wakings
As soon as we felt we had bedtime routines down, we discovered managing night wakings was a new challenge. These unexpected wakings could lead to chaos with two sets of twins.
Stay Calm and Reassuring: Night wakings often caused distress. Staying calm, speaking softly, and keeping the lights low helped ease their anxiety. It actually helps your anxiety as well
Establishing a Routine: Our twins established a regular waking time for feeding, which prompted both my husband and me to get up to feed them. One of us would feed one baby while the other fed the second one. If one baby woke up, we would wake the other one for feeding as well. This routine may not necessarily work for everyone, but it was the most effective for us.
Limit Nighttime Communication: Since neither of us enjoyed being up in the middle of the night, we needed a dependable schedule that allowed us to support each other with minimal communication. By 2 a.m., any grumpiness would start to set in, making it a time unsuitable for casual conversation. Thanks to our schedule, we were able to efficiently feed the babies and quickly return to sleep. As the infants developed, and as we paid more attention to their wake windows and daytime calorie intake, they became better at sleeping through the night, leading to a reduction in nighttime feedings.
Being proactive and understanding the reasons behind night wakings helped us minimize disruptions, maintaining a sense of normalcy even at night.
Naptime Influences Sleep Quality
Believe it or not, naptimes play a crucial role in nighttime sleep quality. Keeping track of naptimes ensures they aren’t missed or overlapped is vital.
Regular Nap Schedules: We recognized the importance of regular naptimes, maintaining the same schedule as much as possible. Ideally, both sets of twins would nap at overlapping times, allowing us some much-needed breathing room.
Avoid Late Naps: We saw that late-day naps could interfere with nighttime sleep. Adjusting naptimes earlier improved bedtime transitions significantly.
Wake the Sleeping Baby(ies): When my twins were under one year old, I made sure not to let them sleep for more than two hours at a stretch, except during the newborn phase. Allowing them to nap longer would disrupt their wake windows and delay feedings, resulting in them consuming fewer calories throughout the day. Anyone who has twins knows that the advice "Don't wake a sleeping baby" doesn't apply.
By understanding how naptime influences nighttime behavior, our twins were more prepared for bedtime.
Finding Your Rhythm for Sweet Dreams
Through countless trial-and-error sessions, late nights, and a dose of patience, we crafted a bedtime routine that transformed chaos into calm. Establishing good sleeping habits with two sets of twins needed dedication, consistency, and creativity.
As any parent with twins knows, every day is a new adventure. But knowing we can count on a smooth transition into sleep makes the challenges worthwhile. Our journey to achieving healthy sleep habits proves that with love, support, and solid routines, bedtime can be an enjoyable chapter in the busy lives of families with multiples.
So, find your rhythm, get cozy, and here's to sweet dreams as you navigate bedtime with your little ones!
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