As Women and Mothers...
As women and mothers, we are programmed to put others' needs in front of our own. It's one of the many magical things that makes women so incredible. However, it can quickly become our own demise, and in my case, it was. Motherhood, especially with two sets of twins, is an all-consuming experience. Diapers, feedings, tantrums – it's a constant whirlwind of demands. I felt myself slipping away, my identity slowly eroding beneath the weight of constant caregiving. The woman who once enjoyed reading, quilting, and running felt like a distant memory. I was lost in the fog of motherhood, drowning in a sea of baby clothes and toys, barely able to keep my head above water. I was struggling to remember who I was before I became a mom of four, before I prioritized everyone else's needs above my own.
The Early Days: Lost in the Fog of Motherhood
When my first set of twins arrived, I entered an entirely new state of existence. Everything felt different. My life seemed turned upside down, and I navigated each day, feeding by feeding. The priorities I had before becoming a parent no longer held significance. My existence was entirely focused on ensuring those precious little ones were fed, rested, and clothed. Add to that a touch of postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage, and I became a shadow of my former self. After two twin pregnancies and c-sections, my self-esteem was low as I felt disconnected from my own body.
Rediscovering Myself: Small Steps, Big Impact
Now, my four children are two and almost four years old. I finally feel like I'm emerging from the chaos and rediscovering myself. Yes, it has taken time, but I believe every woman goes through this at her own pace, when she's ready. I realized I was dedicating all my energy to being a good mother but neglecting to be a good wife or take care of myself. Gradually, I started prioritizing myself, and not only did I find myself again, but I also began to redefine who I am.
I realized I needed to take care of myself during the brief moments available while working full-time and managing the demands of parenting young children. I had to begin with small steps. It was also essential to have a supportive partner who could manage things at home when I needed personal time. The feeling of mom guilt is persistent and can overwhelm you if you allow it. However, having a partner who understands the importance of self-care is vital.
Finding My Creative Outlet
I am passionate about creating beautiful things and am particularly attracted to color, with a love for quilting. I find joy in working with beautiful fabrics and patterns. However, this hobby becomes quite challenging when you have young children. Quilting requires a lot of equipment, uninterrupted time, and sharp tools, which aren't ideal around toddlers. I hope to find time to quilt again soon.
Meanwhile, I needed an activity that satisfied my creative urge and love for color. Enter hand embroidery. This hobby isn't bound by a specific place or time. I can work on it in small increments and even while cuddling with a toddler. It has fulfilled my need to create and to learn new things.
The Power of Connection
The most significant thing that has reconnected me with myself is connection. As a mother of two sets of young twins, I often felt invisible and isolated. I epitomized "unrelatable." It was challenging to prioritize friendships, and even when I did, they felt different. My entire sense of purpose and identity had shifted. I realized that these connections didn't always evolve with me and weren't what I needed at the time. I still wanted to nurture lifelong friendships but also needed to feel recognized in my current life stage.
I didn't actively seek out new mom friends but encountered them while strolling around my neighborhood with my kids. I would meet various moms in the area and start casual conversations. This led to exchanging numbers and organizing playdates. These spontaneous playdates evolved into gatherings for the moms. This has resulted in forming a very strong and supportive neighborhood mom group. My connections with other moms began with the simple act of getting outside with my kids in the neighborhood and intentionally greeting those I passed by.
These friendships have been easy to maintain due to proximity and because we are all in the same life stage. I know that if I reached out for help in our group chat, I would receive immediate and unquestioning support. We organize monthly full moon night walks around the neighborhood to ensure we consistently meet and prioritize connection. However, we all understand if someone can't attend, and we catch up the next time.
Finding Myself Again: A Stronger, More Evolved Woman
The connections I've built with these moms have reignited old passions and sparked new ones. Many of them are avid readers. I used to be before having kids and missed getting lost in new worlds and stories. I used time as an excuse for not reading. I started listening to audiobooks. I would listen during my commute, while embroidering after the kids went to bed, and whenever I had a free moment. This has rekindled my love for books and storytelling, providing an opportunity to connect more with my mom group as well as other friendships.
Rediscovering myself has been a journey of self-discovery, a peeling back of layers to reveal not only the woman I used to be, but also a more confident, resilient, and compassionate version of myself. Motherhood has stretched me beyond my limits, forced me to adapt and grow in ways I never imagined. I've learned to navigate challenges with grace, to prioritize my well-being, and to embrace the power of community. This journey is ongoing, a constant evolution. There will be setbacks, and that's okay. The important thing is to keep moving forward, to prioritize yourself, and to remember that you are worthy of love, joy, and fulfillment. You deserve to nurture your own soul, and in doing so, you become a better mother, a better partner, and a better version of yourself. So, I encourage you to take that first step, to embrace the journey of self-discovery, and to rediscover the amazing woman you are – the woman you were meant to be.
